Soul Searching

Soul searching

How deep do I have to go

It's hurting

Not being able to know

I seek answers for questions that don't make sense

A treasure that lies in a legend and nowhere else

Something that I had never sought before

Has become an obsession that though I deplore

I have to find to be able to live

A purpose to self that I have to give

The purpose whose abscence was never felt

Cause it was round the corner that I just bent

Not finding it where I thought it would be

A torrent of chaos swirling within me

No direction, no path, that I want to take

A nightmare that persists when i am awake

Empty within

A void I can not fill

No desire to win

My ghosts I can not kill

Am I giving up too soon? Are my battles unfought?

Am I letting go too easy of the happiness that I've got?

Is being hounded by questions reason enough

To lose my smiles and not to laugh

I have earned the place that I have in life

It's not come easy without struggle or strife

And I have to cross this one more hurdle

Not lug it around like a loathsome burden

Make this a journey like any other

Unknown destiny of an adventurer

Relish the possibilities that beckon my heart

And restore my spirit that's broken apart

Traveller alone

Who can hold me back?

Destination unknown

I shall make my own track

Unwarranted Greed

Things you have
That you don't need
But still you seek
To feed your greed
That junk because
Your peers possess
Indispensable
So You obsess
Or just so that
You can rave
Things they don't have
You hunt and crave
Needs driven by
One-upmanship
Momentarily by
What's seen as hep
Your desires drain
Someone out there
Of what's really theirs
But do you care?
A kid who slogs
To make your jeans
For the lack of water
The slums unclean
The uprooted trees
To print your mails
A carbon roof built
Of your car exhales
But you know all this
These cliches you've heard
You deem the doomsayers
An alarmist herd
Not worth listening
So you drive down
To the mall
And the latest brown
Shades you buy
To stay in style
And heighten your sins
Overflowing pile.

Rumour's Song

I fly far and wide on my outstretched wings
Helter and skelter perching on one and all
Like a raunchy wench I have many a fling
As I answer all summons of lovers who call

Benign is the whisper which begins the blames
I poison all targets which lie in my path
Soiling the solidity of established names
Baseless strength of my haphazard wrath

Willing to mutate as you want me to
To maim your opponent in your covert duel
Camouflaging the false with what is true
The harmless lie becomes deliciously cruel

Growing in scale with every tongue I touch
Tipping to unleash a tsunami of venom
Recoiling to fullest before packing a punch
To stagger the blissfully unaware victim

Am a weapon for whoever wants to use
I hunger for pain and sadistic joy
I have no scruples and no sides I choose
Morrow YOU could be trapped by my ploy

I thrive on your thirst for superstition
My vicious waters will have no end
Perpetrated by progenies with blind conviction
A rumour of yore becomes a legend

- Himanshu

Forced Metamorphosis

Born as a caterpillar.
Will I ever become a butterfly?
Am I too lowly for your love?
And too slimy for your eye?

Relentless your resolve
To change what I am.
You say it's for my best.
And I believe in your scam.

Struggling in my cell
My unworthy self I hide.
So that I become
Who you can truly pride.

If I had to die today
And Of me what you have seen.
Will you then have loved
So far what I have been?

Will you miss my yearning
To rid you of your grief?
Or will you rue the fact
Of things I didn't achieve?

Born as a caterpillar.
Will I ever become a butterfly?
Can you not see my beauty
If I crawl
...instead of fly?

- Himanshu

Comfort versus Happiness

Joint at the hip like a pair of twins
Take one and the other will come it seems
But like the lonely child of lovers asunder
I live with one without the other

Without asking myself what I really sought
I hammered away at my life that was fraught
With regrets and greeds of comforts I yearned
And while hunting my goal many things I spurned

Things that I thought were distractions in the way
The love and the happiness which though I craved
These things I thought would be there at my goal
Bundled with riches, or so I was told

But the joys that I thought were only there at the end
Were sprinkled in abundance on the path that I tread
The comforts I desired in a mindless quest
Made me blind to the pleasures that I possessed

The race that I run has no finish
Chasing the outcome I don't have to perish
I no longer seek happiness in the comforts that I want
My comfort pours instead from the happiness that I've got

- Himanshu

Melancholy of an Artist

The journey of thoughts that froth in the mind
That pour through the pen only to find
Words feel so inept to convey what I meant
The essence of thoughts left sinking behind

The journey of emotions with their unquenched thirst
That pour with the colors in a gory burst
But the drawls I drew, Incomplete and untrue
To depict the pain of the entrenched hurt

The journey of defeat that spreads its roots
That pours through the violins, pianos and flutes
But the music I played, floundered and failed
To give me the strength to cope with the truth

The journey of feelings that flow from the heart
My fears and failings they fail to depart
The expanding void, I can't fight or avoid
They gnaw and they gouge till they tear me apart

Surviving the times with pain so rife
I walk the path smeared with strife
Moving ahead, despite the blood that I shed
As I go along on my journey of life

- Himanshu

Contemplations of a Blind Mother

Your thoughts manifest themselves
In the blot of color that swells
On the curtain of my shut eyes
Your soothing tone that belies
The seething anger you store
Too civil to bring to the fore
I don’t see the smoldering scowl
For I see nothing at all
Though you take good care of me
I know the weight I can be
Perhaps it would be for the best
If I cease to be such a pest
Stop being the source of your strife
And not be a part of your life
Then maybe you would get back
Your colors lost in my black
The smiles that I drain away
In the shadowy pits where I stay
If only… If only…
The keys of death I could find
To free you from the ties that bind

- Himanshu